Waging War Against the 'Sues
by Austra
Summary: Formerly "And There's MarySue". MarySues! They are attacking our poor, dear Spot! Will we stand for it? Never! A parody starring a few little 'Sue beasties... that took a twist in plot. Now the war is on! Won 1st for comedy!
1. Introduction

**Introduction to this Story:**

I know what you guys are saying. "What is there to say in an introduction to this? It's simple. Let's just get on with it!"

Okay. Sure. Skip this. But I'll write it anyway.

To begin with, this is made to mock _MarySues_. Not SpotXOC fics. Well, okay, sometimes it might mock SpotXOC fics. Because sometimes, let's just admit it, SpotXOC fics _are_ 'Sue fics.

In this introduction I mainly wanted to say a few things about... everything.

1. The Games:

A. Okay, so, I actually started doing this in later chapters. But what I've been doing is this: In defiance of the 'Sues, I am going to write in a *minor* newsies character (such as Snitch, Skittery, Bumlets, Itey, etc.) and one of you guys. Yes, one of you guys. If you review, specify your newsie name and the newsie of your choice, then I will, in one of the later chapters, include you.

B. There are quotes from different movies and books scattered throughout (sometimes they are changed a little, so be on the lookout). These, for the most part, don't start until chapter 7. If you catch a quote, and can tell me (in a review) either who said it (the actor or the character), who wrote it, what the story/movie is called, or the director, you will get points, and the points will be listed at the beginning of each of the chapters.

2. The Names:

Hey, hey, hey, nobody's perfect! I may be dry of any inspiration at some point! If you have a brilliant idea for a 'Sue character I could put in another chapter, please, by all means, tell me! In a review or a PM, either way is fine.

3. The (Un)Lames: (Okay, so I wanted it all to rhyme!)

Yes, it's true. Not all the fics out there starring Spot and an original character are bad. So I compiled a list of the good ones. No, I'm not going to give you a list of the bad ones. You'll know those when you see them. I hope.

So in random order... my list:

"No More Random Goils!" by Eavis (complete with sequel)

"Murmur" by DisneyLady824 (complete with sequel)

"Carpe Diem" by Ryan Brooklyn (complete with sequel)

"Red" by Stress (complete with a sequel on the way)

"Spot of Luck" by SayaXIII

"Ace of Hearts" by Racetrack's Goil (complete with sequel)

"The Future is Calling" by Christina Conlon (complete with sequel)

"Irish" by theIrishkid (complete)

"The Prize" by thrufirewithoutaburn (complete with sequel)

(And I know it may be considered bad form to include your own story in a list of good stories... but here you are.)

"The Tangled Web"

"Letter From Time"

**And on that note... on with the story!  
**


	2. ACKUGH Part 1

_**When reading this story, the reader must imagine all manner of grammatical errors and such. **_

_**Thank you. **_

**Narrator****: **_Divina Iris Susannah P. Alanna Renee Eleanor_ ran towards Spot with outstretched arms.

**(Her name abbreviated) D. I. S. P. A. R. E.:** "Ah, _help_ me! For my father, who has _kicked me out_ of his house, is in _pursuit_ of me, and-"

**Spot:** "Wait, wait. If he kicked you out of his house, why is he in pursuit of you?"

**Narrator:** He kept a smooth exterior, but he had fallen hopelessly in love this this girl. How could he not? With her perfect body, her lovely green eyes, and her gorgeous vivid red hair, what could he ever do to win her? Not to mention the fact that she was wearing a wonderful cream-coloured dress (not sure how it survived the streets of New York and still look sensational) and was extremely tight, which emphasized her flawless body. (Not sure how that works either... she's been abused by her father all her life.)

**D. I. S. P. A. R. E.:** "Well, he is a _villainous_, _cruel_, _heartless_ man, who _beat_ me every night, and _raped_ me. And he will _track me down_ to the ends of the earth- to _kill_ me!"

**Narrator: **"There were gasps of shock and horror as suddenly- there were about fifty other newsies listening to her tale of woe, because of course they had nothing better to do than to sit around all day and talk to pretty girls, because of course, even though they were newsies, hey, why did they need to sell papes! That was just how they made their living!"

**DISPARE:** "Yes, and so I have come to Spot, and _he _will save me!; yea, he will- er, I mean, yeah, he's gonna let me stay in Brooklyn and dress in his clothes, and will ultimately _fall in love_ with me!"

**Spot:** "Wait, wait! But Ise am the King of Brooklyn, and can easily beat youse!"

**Narrator:** "The fight began. DISPARE instantly beat him, and he fell more deeply in love than ever! Then DISPARE spit-shook with him, and he said-"

**Spot:** "Youse name is now- Fightah, 'cause youse beat me!"

**Narrator: **"The boys all gave gasps of amazement over this girl who had actually _beaten up Spot Conlon_!"

**Boys: **"*Gasp*" (of amazement)

**Narrator: **"I think I made that abundantly clear. _Anyway,_ so then Spot took her into the Brooklyn Lodging House and she wore his clothes, because of course her own clothes wouldn't work... "_Why not? You just said they were in perfectly good shape!"_ yes, well, as to that... um, she, er, well- RE-DO! OK, what _actually _happened was this: when they were fighting, DISPARE (I don't care if she got a new name!) pushed Spot into the river. But then she lost her balance and toppled in as well. Satisfied? OK. Oh, and Spot of course saved her from drowning, because she for some reason which will forthwith be unnamed, she just couldn't hold her own. Now. So anyway, the clothes of course hugged her body just right, and every boy instantly fell in love with her. But they knew they didn't stand a chance, because why would such a lovely and rich (oh yeah, she was rich- she had an inheiritance coming to her! _That's _why her father was chasing her!) girl fall in love with such scum as they!

**Spot: **"Dollface, pahdon me while I have a Strange Interlude, and monologue for a really long time."

**DISPARE: **"YOU KNOW I HATE THAT NAME!"

**Narrator: **"And she proceeded to beat Spot up. However, somehow Spot got to do his 'Strange Interlude' all the same, because his love was a forgiving angel, as well as a tough and mean fighter."

**Spot: **"I think I'm in love! But how can I ever win her? She's so perfect! Oh! I have an Idea! I will ask her if she will marry me! She'll probably kill me for being so assumptive, but hey, what's life without danger?"

**Narrator:** "And so he went to DISPARE and said-"

**Spot: **"Divina Iris Susannah P. Alanna Renee Eleanor- '_whew, got _that _over with!'_ -I love you! I love you! I love you!"

**Narrator: **"And they proceeded to kiss, and DISPARE descovered that while he was mean and cruel and harsh to others, he was tender and sweet towards her."

**DISPARE: **"Spotty _darling_-" (Side note: she was the only one who could call him this without getting soaked.) "-What's your _real _name?"

**Narrator: **"Spot turned a deep shade of scarlet."

**Spot: **"_Darling_, (he was the only one who could call her this without getting soaked), do you _really _want to know?"

**DISPARE: **"_Of course_ darling there shouldn't be _any _secrets between _us_!"

**Spot: **"It is- Arthur von Guchenmeister IV."

**Narrator:** "DISPARE choked back a giggle. But then- the tables were turned."

**Spot:** "What does the "P" in _your _name stand for?"

**Narrator: **"Now it was DISPARE's turn to blush."

**DISPARE:** "Oh _you_ don't want to know _that_ let's talk about _something else_."

**Narrator: **"But he finally coaxed it out of her."

**DISPARE: **"All right, all right, it's- Penelope!"

**Narrator: **"Spot cracked up laughing, but then stopped when he saw his angel was truly hurt by this, and then he comforted her. Then they got married and lived happily ever after, more or less, except of course there has to be a sequel! Which will be coming soon! (Hopefully.)"


	3. ACKUGH Part 2

_Continued From Previous Chapter:_

"omg im liek in nesieland1" ACK-UGH thought, then laid there and waited for her _twoo wuv_ to come and see her unconscious and carry her back to some lodging house.

Unfortunately for her, she didn't realise that in 1899 New York, people dying on the streets were practically some kind of landmark, so nobody came for quite some time.

But then- the 'Sue's power began to permeate the city!

Hott newsboys rushed from every corner to rescue her!

They took one look at her great beauty and fell deeply in love at once!

(But the Manhattan Newsies have to be the first ones to find her. That's what _always_ happens. So...)

Jack almost fell over in surprise "Oh! Look! It's-"

The others chorused in astonishment: "A GIRL!"

They were astonished because they had never before seen a girl in their lives! (Actually, they were more astonished at the _clothes..._)

ACK-UGH stirred and moaned, laying one hand to her (unbelievably large) chest.

"i-i-i-were m i/" She inquired faintly.

"In New York, miss," Blink informed her, infusing extreme warmth into his one eye.

"_oh_1" She cried, and fainted from the shock.

Promptly Mush, Jack, Blink, and Skittery picked her up (don't ask me why she needed four guys to carry her; she was certainly skinny enough to be carried by Tumbler) and carried her to the Boy's-Only Lodging House in order to start her off as a Newsie.

BUT! As soon as they got to the Lodging House, they discovered they could not keep her there! (After she'd already broken Racetrack, Skittery, Blink, Mush, and Jack's hearts.)

Because-

"theres liek ths toatly suker liek berro leeder owt 2 git me11" She proclaimed. "hes liek toatly.. um toatly. .. hes jut rely men"

"Men?"

"meen" ACK-UGH translated, glaring.

"Berro?"

"idk hw u spel it" She giggled feebly.

"Borough, maybe?" Tumbler volunteered cheerfully.

"yea mabe thats it" ACK-UGH said, waving a hand.

"Oh."

Silence descended as it became apparent to each and every newsboy what they needed to do.

"_Send her to Brooklyn._"

* * *

**Narrator: "I know you didn't expect to hear from me again, but I absolutely _must_ give a cry (or rather, a shrieking scream) of protest. Why _on earth_ do the girls _always_ have to be shipped off to Brooklyn? Why Brooklyn? Why the most dangerous borough? What's the point? Why would they _ever _do that? What's the reason? _They have no reason!_ Brooklyn! Noooooooo-"**

**DISPARE: "Narrator!"**

**Narrator: "Ooops... gotta go. Bye."**

* * *

"teh noooooo!11!1!" ACK-UGH screamed. Her discordant- oops, I mean, her _dulcet_ voice was so beautiful that tears (I won't say they were from pain) sprang to the eyes of every newsie.

"i cant go to brookyn1" ACK-UGH sobbed. "u liek hav liek no cu-cumpa-pashun1" She gazed at them with violet-hyacinth-chocolate-golden-bluebell-clover eyes.

"plz wll u guys do sumthing1"

"Um... er, we could... let her stay here...?"

Bumlets's suggestion was smothered along with the boy by pillows. He was dumped in the closet.

"no1" She stood; her eyes turned sea-blue-green-chocolate-emerald-sapphire-fiery- the colour of self-sacrifice. "i wll liek toatly giv my lif 4 u"

"Why does she have to...?"

Specs wasn't allowed to finish the thought. He, too, was smothered, then cast into the closet.

Bumlets looked dejected, although Specs couldn't see that because it was so dark in there.

"Dutchy'll be here soon," he predicted.

Sure enough, Dutchy flew in through the door.

Presently Specs speculated, "Maybe Snitch will-"

Snitch was tossed into the closet.

Everyone heaved a simultaneous sigh.

"She'll have to go back _sometime,_" Dutchy said hopefully.

Specs shook his head. "That's why they have such tragic pasts. So they don't have to go back."

"You- you mean...!"

"Yes." Bumlets groaned.

"She's here _forever_!" Snitch whispered in horror.

_Dun-dun-dun-dun..._

_To Be Continued..._


	4. ACKUGH Part 3

_Continued From Previous Chapter:_

"now i'll go c my lurrrv spoty1" ACK-UGH giggled to herself, walking to Brooklyn.

She saw Spot from afar. With a bloodcurdling, spine-chilling shriek of, "OMG IM TOATLY UR GURL1" ACK-UGH flung herself on top of him.

Now, the 'Sue's power had not yet been able to permeate Spot, because she hadn't been close enough. So he managed to stay in character for all of five minutes- a record, I believe, for young gents in the history of ACK-UGH.

So instead of falling for her instantly like the rest of the newsies, he said, "Ugh... what... is..."

"hottie1" ACK-UGH giggled, and, ever the extremely conscientious and modest damsel, winked and blew a kiss and pulled at his hair. (She would have called it "running her fingers through his hair"; but it really was much more like pulling.)

"?" Was all Spot could say.

Then ACK-UGH remembered that she was supposed to hate him for the beginning of the story. "omg, ur liek toatly teh sukyst [**suckiest**] pursin on teh urth11" She promptly punched him.

Spot's five minutes were quickly coming to an end. "You little-!" His expression suddenly changed.

You know that glaze that they put on doughnuts? You know, that stuff that's all sticky and sweet and... _glazed_?

Well, that's exactly what Spot's face started to look like.

He stared at her, his jaw falling open.

Spot approached her, then embraced her.

They kissed (duh, what were you expecting? ACK-UGH to turn into a hedgehog? Although that _would_ be nice...)- but then ACK-UGH had something!

She had- a _plot twist!_

"omg i liek toatly hav ths guy frm my past & hes liek trying 2 get me 2 liek mary him1!" ACK-UGH began to cry those pearly, glassliek tears again.

"o my luv11" Spot cried! (Oh _no_! He's started talking 'Sue-Speak too! This is too horrible! I might throw up before the end of this!) "i liek toatly wont let ths dude git u1 cuz ur _my_ gurl & i liek toatly luv u & i alwys & stuff liek tht"

"omg u r toatly liek soooo hott1!1" ACK-UGH giggled, kissing him again.

"umm isnt tht kinda besid teh poit/?"

"um no ur hottns is toatly teh poit11!"

"oh" Spot thought about this for a moment. Then he shrugged and, for lack of anything better to do, kissed her again.

"omg cn we liek rite a se-" She frowned in concentration. "a see- um anoter stry abot us?/"

"of cors1!" Spot, her beloved, responded.

I really can't even begin to describe my feelings when I am told I have to write the sequel... no, it's just too horrible. I'll leave Spot and ACK-UGH to their horrible, grammar-and-spelling-slaughtering fate.

We'll have to move on to another MarySue...


	5. GROS Part 1

**A/N: By the way, about the names. I actually _love_ some of the names I've given MarySues in my story... so please don't be offended if they happen to be yours. I just picked the longest names that popped into my head that would spell out a word that means something about their revolting-ness. So please, no flames about the names! =) BIG SHOUT-OUT TO ALL REVIEWERS! You guys are the best, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart:**

**Flyspecks**

**Killer Bananas**

**Mo and Rockey (not sure which one of you guys reviewed!)**

**The Flying Seal**

**LucyOfNarnia**

**Sunshine Conlon**

**Me (no, not me; Me). **

**On to the story!  
**

**Narrator: *Glares quellingly at audience members who thought that she was never to return* "I'm just introducing the latest addition, for goodness' sake! Okay, drumroll please...**

***Drumroll sounds***

**Narrator: "Cue the spotlight for- um, for the latest addition."**

***Spotlight hits a gorgeous Irish girl with enormous sea-green/blue eyes and flaming red hair impractically flowing everywhere***

**Narrator: "This. Is Georgiana Rosamund Olivia Sunlightstarlightmeadowgreen. Or GROS, as she is called occasionally. Here begins her monstrosity of a story."**

A gorgeous girl stepped off a ship. Tears (yes, they were pearly and glassliek, so shut up) coursed down her flawless porcelain cheeks.

Her family was (of course, duh) dead. She was the sole survivor.

She knew what she had to do. She had to become a newsie.

And she (there was nothing else _to_ do) had to disguise herself as a boy.

For some reason, it never occurred to her to cut her long, gorgeous, shining, glossy, flaming, red, auburn, thesaurus-defying tresses. She just stuffed them into a hat (why none of the newsies thought that big poof under her hat was suspicious is still a mystery).

She wore lots of tight-fitting newsie clothes (yes, that is an oxymoron) that somehow never showed the fact she was a girl, despite her extremely feminine and beautiful body.

This 'Sue's spelling was better than the others', but that didn't really help because her Irish accent made her speech fairly unintelligible.

* * *

"ma naam" the Irish spitfire told Spot, "is Garrrrge Edmund Oliverrrrr "

"Run that past me again?"

"Gaarrrrrrrrrge. Edmun.. Oliverrrrrrrrr. Sun. Light. Starrrrrrrrrr.. Light. Meadow. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreen."

"With all the "rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr"s?"

GROS glared venomously at Spot.

"Um... you expect me to remember that? Seriously?"

The spitfire uttered a completely bloody-curdling shriek and proceeded to totally and completely soak Spot until he had no use of his legs left.

"All right," he croaked through bleeding lips, "you're a newsie."

Although he was trying desperately not to let this girl see, he was in deep admiration.

He showed GROS to the Lodging House and she settled in quite easily. But for some reason (teenage authors never have trouble coming up with that reason) she had to sleep in Spot's room.

Don't ask me why.

She just had to sleep in Spot's room. (No reason is as good as any reason the other people would give.)

That night, as she slept, her hat fell off, revealing her to be-

"ya're a lassie1" Spot gasped. Somehow, he was simultaneously speaking 'Sue-speak _and_ his Irish accent was coming in strong.

**Narrator: "Don't even ask why the newsies were stupid enough not to notice she wasn't a girl when her hat was on and then were able to tell when her hat was off. Don't ask. Just don't."**

***All the 'Sues torture the Narrator almost to death.***

GROS began to sob and Spot held her tenderly as she poured out the whole story. She seemed to be having trouble with her accent; sometimes it was there and sometimes it wasn't. It was rather difficult to understand her, but Spot was madly in love, so he didn't care.

"my hol famly is ded & i had to liek cum to brooklyn b/c.. um um tht wuz teh only thin 2 do" Her tears flowed down her all-description-defying cheeks and Spot tenderly kissed them away.

"oh but wat1" She objected. "sumwun frum my past has 2-"

"oh yea" Spot responded, and then a menacing form appeared. It was the leader of the Bronx! The Bronx were the sworn enemies of Brooklyn! (Why, why, _why _is it _always_ the Bronx or Queens? Never Manhattan -duh- and Staten Island is never even mentioned! Neither is Midtown! ARGH!)

"i am liek toatly gonna kill u11" He glared menacingly at Spot and GROS.

But, of course, Spot beat him to a pulp and then he left, and Spot and GROS lived happily ever after.

Until the sequel. Ah, that misbegotten sequel... I groan and moan at the thought. But sequel there is, so sequel there must be.

The Return of the Leader of the Bronx is included in the next chapter.

DUN-DUN-DUN...

**Yes, that was short, and yes, I could have made it ten times better. I reproach myself, believe me. But there _is_ a sequel to this chapter in the next one. And anyway, I'll do another Irish "heroine" in another chapter. =D Tell me what you thought!**


	6. GROS Part 2

***Giggles a little* I have the satisfaction of knowing that none of my names will never be used for a MarySue, because they're way too short! Well, maybe one of them... But again, if your name is used, don't be offended or ashamed. I think some of these names are gorgeous. =D  
**

**BIG SHOUT-OUT TO ALL REVIEWERS!:**

******LucyOfNarnia**

**Flyspecks**

**Killer Bananas**

******LucyOfNarnia**

**Mo and Rockey**

**The Flying Seal**

**LucyOfNarnia**

**Sunshine Conlon**

And then there was a great big war between Brooklyn and Bronx (or Brrrrrrrrrooklyn and Brrrrrrrrronx, as our extremely revolting "heroine" says). And it's going to be a big pain in the neck to record it. But here goes.

**Narrator: *Snickers* "Haha, I sneaked out of the dungeon! I may appear at random parts of the story... I just hope the 'Sues don't catch me!"**

GROS and Spot were talking desperately together.

"no1" Spot cried earnestly, holding her tenderly in his strong arms! "i liek toatly wont let u do ths"

"but i hav 2!" GROS explained patiently. "c, idk y, but i hav 2 fite him11 i wlil sav al u guys b/c i am teh _herowin_11" (Sickening thought.)

**Narrator: "I mean, seriously, no reason is as good as any..."**

"um _i _cud fite him" Spot suggested.

GROS glared at him; her emerald eyes now sparkled with a amber-amethyst-hyacinth-opal-sapphire-fiery tinge. "teh NOOOO11" She insisted, rather like a two-year-old throwing a temper tantrum. "it hapens in _evry_ stroy" She assured Spot. "i toatly hav 2 fite him & almst di & thn u cn liek um idk u cn mabe kis me or sumthg"

"oh" Spot contemplated for a second, his noble brow knitting! "al rite my bluvd1"

"ur _wut_?/"

"b-luv-d" Spot enunciated, glaring a little before continuing, "i wil let u do ths1 but remeber liek thet ths leeder is liek a big-tim cheeter1"

"i'll rember" GROS assured him.

"Why can't _we_ ever get to do the fighting?" Grumbled the assembly of Bumlets, Specs, Dutchy, and Snitch. "But oh no! _We _can _never_ save Brooklyn! _We _can _never_ fight an evil leader or have Irish girlfriends! We can _never_ try to lead a borough!"

They went off to find commiseration in a large tub of ice cream. Then they went and discovered a new borough in New York that had never been discovered before, and ruled there wisely and well.

"ths is MY STRY!111!1!1" GROS screamed, setting fire to Bumlet, Specs, Dutchy, and Snitch's borough.

***Narrator bursts into tears***

Um. Okay...

So anyway.

"were where we/?" Spot inquired.

"um i wuz gonna fite the leeder of teh Brrrrrronks" GROS giggled.

"oh yea. well hury up we dont hav much tim"

"ok"

So she went and fought him, and he stabbed her by some kind of un-chivalrous thing or other, and she almost died, but was nursed tenderly by Spot and then they ruled Brooklyn together, and she was called Queen (Queenie for short) and they had ten children with names all as bad as GROS's. In case you want to hear them, here they are (and yes, there actually are authors that do this):

Rhianna Arabella Marianne Orwellia Susannah: RAMORS Newsie Name: Flyer

Brandonius Edward Robert Steven: BERS (no, it doesn't have any particular significance) Newsie Name: Fighter

Juliet Ursula Nadine Christina: JUNC Newsie Name: Hurricane

Julian Ursule Nadino Christian: JUNC (yes, they are twins) Newsie Name: Whirlwind

Lavinia Annabella Ramona Delliara: LARD Newsie Name: Artist

Alexander Ricardo Flavian: ARF Newsie Name: Whip

Vivian Olivia Miranda Iona Tabitha: VOMIT Newsie Name: Runner

Ellington Jasper Emerson Yvon: EJEY Newsie Name: Edgy

***Narrator tries not to throw up***

Uugghh... I don't think I can take this any longer... I can't go on... take the Ring, Sam!- oh wait. Wrong fandom. Sorry. Um. And that concludes the story of GROS. Oh, and all the girls had their mother's flaming hair and emerald eyes, and all the boys had their father's gold locks and stormy-grey-green-sea-like eyes.

And that's THE END.


	7. LARD

**YOU COULD BE A WINNER!  
**

**I've decided that people who review from now on (and if you reviewed the last chapter) will get a minor character from Newsies as their own, in defiance of the 'Sues. :D This includes characters such as Snitch, Bumlets, Skittery, Specs, Dutchy, and others. Specify in your review what your "newsie name" is and what *minor* newsie is your favorite.  
**

**In closing: Did anybody get the quote at the end from _Nicholas Nickleby_? Extra brownie points if you did! (Not gonna tell you what it is, you have to tell me.) I'm going to throw in quotes like that, and if you catch them, tell me what they're from (or who said them, or who wrote the book, or who directed the movie), then you will have your scores listed at the top of the story! :D **

**Quote from a Literary Classic: 10 points**

**Quote from a Recent Movie: 5 points**

**Quote from an Older Movie: 7 points**

**Quote from a Book (this means any book): 5 points**

**Thanks to those who reviewed:  
**

**Flyspecks**

**Christina Conlon  
**

**Killer Bananas**

******LucyOfNarnia**

**Mo and Rockey**

**The Flying Seal**

**Sunshine Conlon**

**And a special thanks to Christina Conlon for reviewing, even though it was really, really tough. You go, Christina! Fly, you're an amazing reviewer. Lucy, you win the prize for faithfulness. KB, I only just now got that reference you made to "The Outsiders". XD Loved your reviews. Another special welcome to bethyhope. ;) I love all you guys so much! Continue to review!  
**

Lavinia Annabella Ramona Delliara, or LARD, watched with tears in her eyes as her brother, Mush Meyers, was killed before her very eyes by Spot Conlon. "i'll liek hate u 4evr11" She screamed at Spot, before half-killing him and running wildly through the streets of New York.

"Um... okay." Spot said, looking a little puzzled, poor thing. The canon character Spot, naturally, had not wanted to kill Mush. Actually, in all technicality, he hadn't. Because when he had done that, he'd been controlled by LARD. Actually, the only time he's sensible (or canon) is when I get to write him, instead of LARD. But anyway.

Oh, and in case you hadn't noticed, LARD is the daughter of GROS, who is the great-cousin's aunt's sisters' daughter's cousin's niece's husband's nephew of ACK-UGH, who is DISPARE'S third cousin twice removed. Don't know whether you noticed that or not, but it's true. But back to the story.

LARD ran and ran until she came to Manhattan, where she became a newsie. (Don't ask why she wasn't before.)

* * *

"omg ur leik so cute1" LARD giggled to Racetrack, who was trying to propose to her. It wasn't working. She kept interrupting to throw her arms around his neck and cover him with kisses.

Finally he managed to get as far as, "Lavinia Annabella Romona Delliara, will-"

But then- Spot Conlon barged in!

He looked completely bewildered as to why he was there until he caught sight of LARD. Her power permeated him, causing him to smirk menacingly (don't know how he managed it) and say, "i hav cum to tak u 2 brooklyn! bcuz u hav liek thes awsum fiting skills & i liek need them for liek brooklyn"

"noooooo11111111" LARD screamed, wailing and flailing as suddenly she was in his arms. "racetrakc sav meee11"

But all Racetrack was any good for was gambling and poker-playing, so he just stood there and helpfully dealt a hand of cards.

Spot ran like something in a Sci-Fi movie to Brooklyn, where he forced her to stay in his room so that she didn't run away.

"i wil liek hate u 4ever11" Spat LARD furiously. "u liek toatly killed my bruthr & i'll necvr 4giv u1"

"ok fine by em [me]" Spot replied, still smirking and crossing his arms. (By the way, there's nothing wrong with Spot smirking. That's not 'Sue-ish. It's just that some 'Sues take it too far. And anyway, I'm trying to make this as cliche as possible.)

"noww" Spot continued, "u wil hav 2 lern how 2 fite evn beter"

"i alredy cn" LARD growled, glaring. Then she proceeded to give him an amazing execution of her ninja skills which nearly killed him. Why she didn't use it before to get away from him, I don't know.

Spot lay, unconscious, on the floor, and a feeling stirred inside LARD. She may have been a tough and mean fighter and a deadly person, but deep down inside she was tender and insecure and needed someone like Spot to bring that out and all that good stuff.

So anyway, the long and short of it is, she tenderly cared for him until he was better, and then he was forever in her debt. And they had a bunch of lovey-dovey scenes which I will not pollute my keyboard with describing.

And that pretty much concludes the story of LARD and Spot. Ugh.


	8. BLEHH

**(Re-Announcing... With Even More...)  
**

**YOU COULD BE A WINNER!  
**

******Newsies Taken for This... Thing: Crutchy, Snoddy, Snitch**

**I've decided that people who review from now on (and if you reviewed the last chapter) will get a minor character from Newsies as their own, in defiance of the 'Sues. :D This includes characters such as Snitch, Bumlets, Skittery, Specs, Dutchy, and others. Specify in your review what your "newsie name" is and what *minor* newsie is your favorite.**

**I'm going to throw quotes in randomly, and if you catch them, tell me what they're from (or who said them, or who wrote the book, or who directed the movie), then you will have your scores listed at the top of the story! :D **

**Quote from a Literary Classic: 10 points**

**Quote from a Recent Movie: 5 points**

**Quote from an Older Movie: 7 points**

**Quote from a Book (this means any book): 5 points**

**Thanks to those who reviewed:  
**

**Flyspecks- You are my TEH AWSUM reviewer! :D Rock on!  
**

**Christina Conlon- Thanks for reading! And for reviewing (though it was hard)!  
**

**Killer Bananas- Well, actually, I pointed that out because 'Sue writers are forever bringing back their favorite heroines or relations to their favorite heroines... ::sigh:: And I absolutely _adore_ Davey... so if you want to read some good DaveXOC fics, mine are the ones... ;P And yes, Skittery will gladly give him up... ::Skittery wails offstage:: It could be a lot worse, Skitts! I could be killing him! ::Skittery hurriedly grabs Tumbler and hurries him away:: Now, Skittery! We have to be nice to our readers! She just wants to _borrow_ him for a bit. ::Skittery reluctantly hands Tumbler over:: There you go, KB!  
**

******LucyOfNarnia- My dear, faithful reviewer- you da best!  
**

**Mo and Rockey- Haven't heard from you in awhile...? But thank you for your former reviews. I'm thrilled you guys like it!  
**

**The Flying Seal- See above.  
**

**Sunshine Conlon- See above.**

**Wow... that has to be the longest A/N _ever_. I'll continue with the story now. :D  
**

Bellina Lydia Esmeralda Heliotrope (okay, so that's a flower, okay, so it may not be a girl's name... what of it?) Helpingflowersongmeadowlight ran, screaming, from her house. Her strawberry-blond hair whipped around her in the most amazingly gorgeous way, and her bright green eyes were wide with fright.

Her abusive, drunk father chased after her. He caught her, as she wailed, flailed, and said, "teh no1 teh no1 teh no1" for lack of anything better.

Then he- oh horrors!- punched her face so hard that her vocal chords were somehow damaged and she never spoke again.

Somehow, I don't know how, she got away, and ran through the streets of New York.

She eventually ended up in Brooklyn. Spot, for no apparent reason, was not selling papers, but instead was lounging around on a throne. (Very impractical and unlikely, if you asked me- or anyone else, for that matter, except BLEHH.)

BLEHH was terrified out of her wits. She was a shy, timid, easily wounded girl, and Spot was a strong, bold, aggressive womanizer (since when is this true?). But one of Spot's men threw her before him, and she began to message with her eyes (for once the first 'Sue that doesn't spout 'Sue speak) that she was in desperate need of help. Why she would go to a dirt-poor, practically homeless newsboy, I don't know.

Spot, once again, much to the dismay of all present (BLEHH had not bothered to permeate them yet), to talk in 'Sue-speak.

"wut leik r u doin here" he inquired, with the smirk firmly in place- although already he had begun to lose his heart to this perfectly word-defying girl! (Word-defying is right... _I _just want to throw up...)

"Da goil needs some kinda help," one of the newsies growled. He was tall, dark, and knew sign language. He thought that perhaps she could sign to him and he could translate, but no such luck. 'Sues know no other language than 'Sue-speak. When he began to sign to her, she just looked at him blankly, and he concluded that she was either drunk or insane. He told Spot as much, and got thrown off the Brooklyn Bridge for his pains.

Fortunately, just at that moment, two people happened to be walking by, one a girl named Giggles, and one a boy named Crutchy. They were both very compassionate people, and saved the young laddie, whose name was Birds (long story). And then they all went and made a club honoring non-'Sues, and made BLEHH and all her fellow MarySues slightly irate.

"ths sorty is abot ME!1" She rasped, glaring at the Author (me).

"That does put a damper on our relationship," I agreed cheerfully. "And besides, I thought you couldn't talk."

She gave me a death glare. I knew what punishments she could inflict upon me.

"Um... sorry..." I said. (I wasn't.) "I'll get right back to it." (I didn't want to.)

So Spot and BLEHH spent all day together, and Spot discovered a place in his heart he had never revealed to anyone; indeed, he had not known it was there! (Can we keep it that way...? Didn't think so.)

And then... Spot helped her speak again! Their love was so great it overcame her physical disability! They swore never to be apart! They would love each other forever!

"ths is tru luv" Spot informed her (nooo! He's defaming my favorite quotes! Aaaaahhh!) "&..." he tried to remember the rest of the line, "&..." He couldn't remember. He was too 'Sue-infected. Ha-HA! "& so thet liek meens thet i.. i wil nevr.. leev u?/"

"ok deer" BLEHH giggled; she didn't care about speeches. She just wished Spot would ask her to marry him and be done with it. Oh, and kiss her, of course. So they did. And trust me, you don't want to hear about it.

And that concludes the story of BLEHH and Spot... may they live monstrously ever after.

**Hint for the quote thing: There are two quotes in this... and they're actually from the same thing. :D See if you can find them. **

**By the way, if you're looking for another total "Humor" story, check out, "The Spectacular Extravaganza of Many Whacky Things" by LucyOfNarnia. :D **

**If you're looking for some SpotXOC fics that are _not_ 'Sue-fics, check out:**

**No More Random Goils! by Eavis**

**Ace of Hearts by Racetrack's Goil**

**Carpe Diem by Ryan Brooklyn**

**Spot of Luck by SayaXIII**

**Murmur by DisneyLady824**

**The Prize by thrufirewithoutaburn**

**Irish by theIrishkid**

**The Future is Calling by Christina Conlon**

**Song of the South by  
**

**All I can think of for the moment... look at my favorites list for anything else! Or even my stories! (Yes, I have written a Spot fic or two in my time. And if I inadvertently made mine a MarySue, please tell me.)  
**


	9. HORIBOL Part 1

**Newsies Taken Thus Far: Crutchy, Snoddy, Snitch, Skittery, Specs, Dutchy**

**Remember! If you want a *minor* newsie all of your own, **_**tell me!**_** I promise I will do it eventually, even if I have to go back and add you in a former chapter. There can only be so many MarySues. But on the other hand, that probably won't happen for the next five or seven chapters. One last thing: I want your _newsie_ name, _not_ a 'Sue-name. I know there was some confusion so I just wanted to make that clear.**

**Thanks to all who reviewed! **

**Those Who Won Points:**

**Killer Bananas- 17 points**

**KB, I **_**adore**_** any and/or all references to Narnia! And be assured I will catch all of them. :D Please continue to make them. ;) You should seriously get an account so I can reply to your reviews better!**

**LucyOfNarnia-17 points**

**Awesome job catching those quotes! You go, girl! :D**

***Note: Points are added chapter by chapter. And one last thing: Even if the quote is extremely obvious, CATCH IT! It still counts! If it's from more than one thing, you get extra credit!**

Helena Ophelia Rosamond Iris Belliana Opal Lavinia (HORIBOL) was in the process of crying over Jack and slobbering over Spot at the scene in "Newsies" where Jack betrays them when she had an Idea.

Now, as stated in a previous chapter, Ideas are _very_ dangerous to 'Sues. But for this particular 'Sue, thinking was altogether too easy. For this 'Sue, evil, horrible, clever schemes were always present.

And this was The Worst of all.

She decided to timetravel to the time of the Newsies! "omg itll be leik teh awsumst ting evr11" She squealed. Giggling, she began an imaginary conversation with Spot.

"i luv u spot1" She gasped in a lovestruck voice, then tried to imitate a New York accent for Spot. It was atrocious.

"i say dat wut u say is wut i say" She told herself, looking in the mirror as she simultaneously applied makeup and drooled at the prospect of seeing Spot.

"omg thts liek toatly hottt1" She raved, and her imaginary Spot responded, "ths hand, ths hart, ths steel-" She broke off and wrinkled her alabaster brow. That line sounded vaguely familiar, but there were two problems. First, she couldn't remember the rest of the quote, and second, the line sounded oddly out of place.

Her word-defyingly perfect brows lifted as she thought of something else Spot could say to her. "i will nevr luv anothr" That sounded very nice, but she couldn't quite think why it didn't sound quite right. (F. Y. I.- It didn't sound right because heroes always say it after their _twoo wuvs _die.)

Then she shrugged- er, I mean, she lifted her perfectly thin and flawless shoulders. She'd better make preparations to leave anyway.

She knew exactly how to do it, because she'd already terrorized five or six other fandoms, including Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Narnia, and Twilight, and so knew that the best way to get into another place or time is, of course, to find some secret tunnel. And so, with her "teh awsum" strength-with-hole-punching-skills she punched a hole in the wall and climbed through it.

What she neglected to realize was the fact that this hole led to a mice-and-squirrel infested attic.

The mice and squirrels, upon her entrance, instantly laid siege to her 'Sue-ness.

With a shriek like a dying cow, she laid on the ground and swooned.

Unfortunately for us, 'Sues can never be defeated. She woke up in Newsie-Land.

_"TEH YES11"_

_To be continued..._


	10. HORIBOL Part 2

**GRAB YOUR ATTENTION:**

**The contest held by Pegasus M is taking place as we speak! Please go, nominate, and vote for me if you like me or my stories as much as your reviews say!: pegm(dot)webs(dot)com Thanks!**

**Newsies Taken Thus Far: Crutchy, Snoddy, Snitch, Skittery, Specs, Dutchy**

**Remember! ****I want your _newsie_ name, _not_ a 'Sue-name. I know there was some confusion so I just wanted to make that clear.**

**Thanks to all who reviewed!**

**Sunshine Conlon- Welcome back!**

**Mayarin- That is very, very sweet of you.**

**LucyOfNarnia- Haha, I actually wasn't thinking of any of that stuff! That's so funny! ****Awesome job catching that Princess Bride quote!**

**FlySpecks- *Pats FlySpecks on the back* It's okay. I don't hate you even though you didn't get the quotes. I'll forgive you in time. ;P It seriously is okay, though. But if I throw a "Newsies" quote in there, it still counts! Be on the lookout!**

**Killer Bananas- Yes, yes, by all means, hide Tumbler! I don't want HIM falling in love! =O Well, if and when you get an account, tell me, and I'll say hi. :D**

**Those Who Won Points:**

**Killer Bananas- 17 points**

**LucyOfNarnia-29 points**

***Note: I must say, I am confused. None of you got that "Newsies" quote! Spot _said, _"I say that what you say is what I say" and you guys _didn't catch it!_ *Horrified face***

_Continued from last chapter..._

HORIBOL was one of those rare cases where Spot found her instead of the Manhattan newsies.

"hoo liek r u. ur liek teh most gorgus gurl i evr saw" Spot inquired. This particular 'Sue was so powerful that he only had to _look_ at her to fall under her evil spell!

"Helena Ophelia Rosamond Iris Belliana Opal Lavinia" She recited promptly, and Spot came back to himself for a brief five seconds at the stupidly long name. "That is by far _the_ stupidest-" But his five seconds were up.

"helena opehlia rosmnd irs bliliana opal lavidna, u must cum 2 my liek teh login hous" He proclaimed.

"i cant wak" She said, pulling her "i'm-a-damsol-in-destriss-&-im-abwt-2-faint" look.

"u meen u cant wak & all tese pepol r just pasing by1/1/" Spot was horrified, although it wouldn't have shocked him if he hadn't been under her spell; he passed by many girls in his day. "thts liek sooooooo taotly hribol11"

"yea it is" Sniffled HORIBOL.

"wel" Spot said, smirking as he got down to carry her, "nevr feer, booklyn is heer"

"omg thts leik soooo hott1" HORIBOL giggled, forgetting for moment (because of his hott-ness) that she was supposed to be fainting. Remembering, she fell back on the street, and Spot gasped, "teh-teh-teh- she fantd11" He was utterly shocked.

"no1" He got down on his knees. "speek 2 me1 wak up1 4 _my_ sak11"

Finally he had the bright idea of taking her to his Lodging House. He scooped her up and carried her back, muttering promises of lifelong love all the while.

When they got to the Lodging House, nobody was there, so Spot took her up to his room and laid her on his bed.

When she awoke, Spot was beside the bed, holding her hand (how disgusting and creepy is that?). She turned large, sapphire-amber-purple-golden-violet-green eyes on to him in confusion and said weakly, "were liek am i/"

"u r in my loging howse in my rom" He told her tenderly.

"omg thts leik sooooooooo inaproprit111" She squealed in excitement (for once I agree with her).

"yea i gess it is" Spot agreed without any apparent concern. Suddenly their eyes caught.

Spot stood and moved closer.

"omg hes liek gonna kiss me11" HORIBOL squealed.

He did. You don't want to hear about it. Seriously.

"omg plz cn i wer ur cloths" She asked. "i hav 2 liek pretnd 2 b a boy b/c" She hesitated and frowned. She couldn't remember why for a second. "umm b/c gurls cant be newsies11" She finished triumphantly.

"um ok" Spot complied. But for some reason, they didn't cut her long, flaming-red, gorgeous tresses. They stuffed her hair into her hat, and don't even ask me how that much hair even stayed her that small of a hat, let alone didn't make her look absolutely rediculous.

Then they went downstairs, and for some reason, the Lodging House (or "teh login howse", as HORIBOL says) was now full of boys. They were drinking, smoking, and gambling for all they were worth. (Which, trust me, was a lot more than what Spot or HORIBOL was.)

"guys" Spot yelled, stomping his cane on the ground. "lisen up1 ths is Knives hes new"

A tall, handsome newsie sauntered up to Spot and HORIBOL. "Why are you introducing us to him? You've never introduced new newsies before." Then he started. "Wha- why am I here, anyway?" It was Snoddy. "I- I don't belong here! I'm from Manhattan!"

"well snoddy deerst" HORIBOL tittered, "i ran owt of OCs & i thot noone wud notis u cuz ur a miinr karacter"

Snoddy's eyes widened in hurt. "I-I'm just a _minor character_?" He turned his head aside so they wouldn't see the tears of hurt forming in his gorgeous dark eyes.

"I can't believe that they would treat someone so cruelly!" They heard someone say. They looked up to behold- a girl newsie!

"Fly, at your service," she bowed and continued, "Snoddy, come over here right now!"

Snoddy obeyed promptly. "Hey, can I sell with you today?" He asked shyly.

"Yeah!" Said Fly. "Let's leave these stupid people to fend for themselves."

So they left. As they were leaving, another newsboy stood on a table and cried, "I'm from Manhattan too! Don't tell me I'm just a minor character!" It was Snitch.

"You're not!" Another person, a girl, stood on the table next to him. It was Acorn. "Snitch, I have held it in this long, but my silence will kill me. I suck my thumb, too! I think you're manly for doing it!"

"Really?" Snitch beamed.

"Yes, really." Acorn and Snitch embraced.

HORIBOL, meanwhile was giving everyone the Look of Doom. "thts IT1111111" She screamed finally. "owt! evry1" She looked as though she were about to murder everyone. (Especially me.)

Snitch and Acorn managed to get away without being killed by HORIBOL, and are now living comfortably two houses down from Fly and Snoddy on a street in New York.

_To be continued..._


	11. HORIBOL Part 3

**GRAB YOUR ATTENTION:**

**The contest held by Pegasus M is taking place as we speak! Please go, nominate, and vote for me if you like me or my stories as much as your reviews say!: pegm(dot)webs(dot)com Thanks!**

**Newsies Taken Thus Far: Crutchy, Snoddy, Snitch, Skittery, Specs, Dutchy**

**I guess nobody got that E. Nesbit reference... ah, gone are the days of the old classics... for those of you who have no idea what I'm droning on about, E. Nesbit was a writer in the early 1900's who wrote books for kids. And they were really awesome. You should read them. The line I used was from "The Railway Children". When Spot says "Wake up! Speak to me! For _my_ sake!" that's from that book. :)**

**Those Who Won Points:**

**Christina Conlon- 22 points (you made it into this chapter!)**

**Killer Bananas- 22 points**

**LucyOfNarnia-29 points**

**Sunshine Conlon: 10 points (I'm counting the "I say that what you say is what I say" quote that you said you got)**

**Flyspecks- 10 points (on the assumption that you got that "I say that what you say is what I say" quote) And Acorn is Killer Bananas. And she is cool! ;) People who like minor characters are cool.**

**Wow! You guys are doing awesome! Love you and your reviews. They really do make my day.**

_Continued from last chapter..._

"now spoty deerst" giggled HORIBOL, stroking his hair (she'd made him wash it with her awful-smelling perfume-shampoo), "i rely didnt want 2 brig ths up but thre r sum boros tht r makin trubol"

"yea i no" Spot heaved a melodramatic sigh and HORIBOL fainted from his hott-ness.

"wel wut r u gona do abowt it" She asked.

"idk" Spot shrugged.

"ummm thts not vry gud" HORIBOL frowned.

"nope it isnt but thts ok bcuz i hav u"

HORIBOL fairly killed him with the kiss she gave him for that comment. Neither of them were smart enough to realize that they hadn't resolved the problem.

"Crutchy," Giggles asked soberly, looking in through the window at the two of them in revulsion, "do you think I could ever be like that? Do think I could ever be a 'Sue?"

"'Course not, Giggles!" Crutchy looked very angry at the thought.

"Hey, look there!" Birds, who had suddenly appeared, snickered. "It's our cold-hearted leader, Spot Conlon!"

"You know," said Fly, who was standing next to Snoddy, "I used to admire him."

Acorn agreed. "You know, he was quite a decent chap before he was 'Sue-ifyed." Snitch nodded. He didn't speak because his thumb was firmly imbedded in his mouth.

"Hey guys..." It was a small, rather plump-ish, extremely adorable fourteen-year-old. She was gazing at them shyly. "My... my name is Cheese... this is my little brother Snipeshooter. He was tortured by 'Sues at the poor tender age of ten years because he is a minor character. I was just wondering if we could join your club."

"Yeah!" Crutchy and Giggles said simultaneously. "That'd be great!"

Suddenly, about twenty 'Sues all descended upon them on a pink cloud with purple sparkles and the names of all the hottest guys all over it. They were greatly wroth.

"leev now & nevr cum bak11" they screeched. "u r leik toatly destrying our craeer11!"

"What career was that?" muttered Fly.

"teh nobol sistrhud of 'sues11" they screamed, turning their wrath on Fly. Luckily, Snoddy jumped in front of her and was able to deflect the shower of dangerous, toxic, poisonous, and deadly pink sparkles shooting down at them.

"Sounds like my worst nightmare." remarked Giggles.

The pink sparkles turned on her. Crutchy jumped in front of her and Cheese jumped in front of him and Snipeshooter jumped in front of her and Acorn jumped in front of him and Snitch jumped in front of her and...

...Out of nowhere...

...Came another young person, hurtling towards them...

_To be continued..._


	12. HORIBOL Part 4

**GRAB YOUR ATTENTION:**

**Now, this is a purely personal matter, and you don't have to answer this question, BUT- I was kind of wondering... if any of you have actually checked out any of my stories? And if so, how you found them? Just wondering, because I don't want to be a hypocrite and be writing a story making fun of 'Sues, when I'm writing them!**

**Newsies Taken Thus Far: Crutchy, Snoddy, Snitch, Skittery, Specs, Dutchy**

**I guess nobody got that Lord of the Rings reference... although it _was_ in 'Sue-speak, so I forgive you. ;) The 'Sues on the cloud said, "Leave now and never come back" and that was taken from LOTR.**

**Those Who Won Points:**

**Christina Conlon- 22 points **

**Killer Bananas- 22 points**

**LucyOfNarnia-29 points**

**Sunshine Conlon: 10 points **

**Flyspecks- 10 points**

**Now... you will find out who the mysterious creature is! Dun-dun-dun-dun...**

_Continued from last chapter..._

..."Mwahaha!" The creature cackled evilly, rubbing her hands together. Both 'Sues and OC's looked on in horror.

"Da-da-da, we're dead," remarked Acorn, surveying the person before them.

The creature was dressed in some kind of Greek garb, with an enormous sword in one hand. She descended between the 'Sues and the Noble Guild of Non-Sue Honorers and threw back her head and laughed a horrible, spine-chilling laugh.

"I AM THE DWEAD PIWATE WOBERTS!" cackled the girl. "Er, actually, I'm not. I'm not a guy, first of all. And Robert is a guys' name. Unless it isn't. I mean, maybe in a different language it is. But in the language I'm talking in right now, which happens to be English, it's a boy's name. My real name is Torch. Well, actually, not my _real_ name, because that's just my nickname. But then, you guys all go by your nicknames, so I guess it's okay. I-"

"Truly, you have a dizzying intellect." murmured Fly.

"Just wait 'till I get going!" Torch cried proudly. "Now. I will go on to defenestrate all these 'Sues." Turning on them, she waved a pen and cried, "Back to the abyss from whence you came!"

"TEH NOOOOOOOO111111" shrieked the 'Sues in a way that was truly terrifying. They all disappeared.

"How-who-what-?" stammered Bumlets, who had suddenly appeared on the scene. Lark, a young newsgirl, stood beside him and patted his hand comfortingly.

"I," stated Torch proudly, "am the Authoress! Ha-HA!"

"Umm...?" said Giggles.

"That means," Torch explained, "that all of you are only saying what you're saying because I'm making you say it!"

"Can I get a program? Like, a script or something?" inquired Cheese.

"NO!" Thundered Torch, glaring at her.

"Methinks the lady doth protest too much," murmured Lark.

Torch pulled her "I-will-kill-you-if-you-don't-quit-being-so-smart-alecky" face. In other words, she gave Lark the Death Glare.

"Sorry," Lark muttered.

"So, anyway," Torch continued, "I wanted to say that I think that David should be allowed to join your club."

"What?" Giggles and Crutchy gasped.

"What?" Fly and Snoddy gasped.

"What?" Acorn and Snitch gasped.

"What?" Cheese and Snipeshooter gasped.

"What?" Lark and Bumlets gasped.

"What?" Dreamer and Specs gasped. "Wait, wait, how did we get here?" They demanded of Torch. Torch smirked. "I can do whatever I like with you. Guys, this is Dreamer and this is Specs, and they're here to join your club, too."

"We are?"

"Duh, yes. Now, why are you guys so shocked at putting David in your club?" Torch looked threatening. "He's MY favorite character!"

"Um... okay!" Giggles managed a smile, and a rather nice one at that. Everyone else attempted a smile as well.

"Yeah, David doesn't really get _that_ many 'Sue-fics, even though he is a main character." Fly said thoughtfully.

Torch beamed. "Okay, well, here you go!"

David popped out of nowhere.

Everyone stared.

"Quick, give me a kiss," David whispered to Torch.

Torch started to protest, then though better of it, shrugged, and complied.

"They're still looking at us," she observed.

He shrugged. "It was worth a shot."

* * *

"I AM LEIK TOATLY GONA KIL AL OF U1111111" Screeched HORIBOL. "u r takin ovr my stry & leik makin me luk awful11"

"And... we _needed_ to do that... why? I mean, don't you kind of already take care of that?" asked Lark. Everyone snickered.

HORIBOL glared and Torch sighed. "You guys'd better clear out." she said sadly. "You don't want to see what I'm about to do to her."

"Trust me, I would _love_ it," said Acorn.

_To be continued..._


	13. The War Part 1

**IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE, PLEASE READ**

Even if you don't read the rest of the author's note (interesting and lovely as it is), please read this.

This story has taken a definite turn in its plot, main characters, and general story-ness. Not necessarily for the better, not necessarily for the worse. But I eventually got sick of just writing 'Sues (because they, though humorous, are sickening) and I decided it was time for some good characters to wage war. So here you are! 'Sues against... what shall we call them?... GCs. Good Characters. :)

So please tell me exactly what you think of this chapter. :) It may be a little strange... just a warning!

* * *

**CASTING CALL CLOSED **

**(PM me if you have a special request for a character) **

**Newsies Taken Thus Far: Crutchy, Snoddy, Snitch, Skittery, Specs, Dutchy, Bumlets... let's see, does that cover everything? Oh yeah, and David. ;) Even though he isn't a minor character. :D**

**QUOTES:**

**Only open for a short while longer**

**Now... I actually had to sit down with a calculator in the middle of the night and work all this math out for the points... so you'd better appreciate it! ;) Love you guys so much.**

**Those Who Won Points:**

**Eruanna Undomiel- 47 points **

**Bostonian Writer- 20 points**

**Mayarin- 17 points **

**Flying Boppers- 22 points**

**Christina Conlon- 22 points **

**Killer Bananas- 44 points**

**LucyOfNarnia- 122 points**

**Sunshine Conlon: 10 points **

**Flyspecks- 20 points**

**Okay... you guys totally knocked my socks and shoes off! Let's see how well you do on this one... :)**

* * *

"Now," Torch said to the assembled group of Giggles and Crutchy, Fly and Snoddy, Acorn and Snitch, Cheese and Snipeshooter (who had befriended a young lassie by the name of Chaos), Dreamer and Specs, Lark and Bumlets, and a new addition of a young lassie by the name of Cora who seemed to have attached herself to Skittery. "The best way to wage war on a 'Sue in _not_ what it may seem." She slammed her mug of beer onto the rickety table, at which they all looked rather nervous.

"You do _not_ fight with pitchforks or dump tea in an ocean." She slammed her fist down on the table, and everyone began to look worried. "No, my friends! We are going to do something never done before in the history of 'Sue-war!" She pushed back her chair suddenly and emphatically and everyone's expressions were ones of horror.

"We. Will. Take. Away. The. Sue's. Power!" Torch cried, and jumped on the table.

Everyone jumped up; they had had enough. "Don't! Don't! You're going to break all our furniture!" They yelled.

Torch rolled her eyes and surveyed the room they were in. "_Break _your _furniture_?" She asked in a slow, sarcastic way.

Everyone else looked around at the disreputable, dilapidated room in the upstairs of the Brooklyn Boy's Lodging House.

"It is rather awful," Giggles admitted.

"I think it's quite suitable." remarked Acorn.

"Guys! Please, stay focused!" insisted Lark.

"Okay, now, here's the plan," Torch said, sitting back down. She took out a cigar and a match, but at a look from David, blushed, shrugged, and put them back away. "We're going to make HORIBOL appear as horrible as she really is to Spot."

"How on earth are we supposed to do that?" asked Fly skeptically, while Cheese nodded her agreement.

"Like..." Torch got up and crossed the room- "..._this_." Torch smirked as she pressed a button on the wall and the wall rolled back.

Everyone gasped, and a few shrieks were heard, although I can't say for sure who they were, or if they were even our dear cast or just a stage hand.

* * *

"We'll never survive!" wailed everyone, to which Torch cheerfully responded, "Nonsense. You're only saying that because no-one ever has."

'Twas true, 'twas true. But what was also true was the fact that, although this mission was most likely going to fail, and kill them in the process, they had something on their side: the Authoress.

And so the Epic War began: the war of 'Sues against GCs!

_To be continued..._


	14. The War Part 2

**IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE, PLEASE READ**

Even if you don't read the rest of the author's note (interesting and lovely as it is), please read this.

This story has taken a definite turn in its plot, main characters, and general story-ness. Not necessarily for the better, not necessarily for the worse. But I eventually got sick of just writing 'Sues (because they, though humorous, are sickening) and I decided it was time for some good characters to wage war. So here you are! 'Sues against... what shall we call them?... GCs. Good Characters. :)

So please tell me exactly what you think of this chapter. :) It may be a little strange... just a warning!

Oh... and one last thing. A big thank you to **Acorn** for reminding me about this poor little story left to rot in a deep, dark, murky corner. Because without her, I would have totally neglected it. School took over... and I was busy. But thanks to Acorn, you get a chapter! Let's give her a hand!

* * *

**CASTING CALL CLOSED **

**(PM me if you have a special request for a character) **

**Newsies Taken Thus Far: Crutchy, Snoddy, Snitch, Skittery, Specs, Dutchy, Bumlets... let's see, does that cover everything? Oh yeah, and David. ;) Even though he isn't a minor character. :D**

**QUOTES:**

**Only open for a short while longer**

**Now... I actually had to sit down with a calculator in the middle of the night and work all this math out for the points... so you'd better appreciate it! ;) Love you guys so much.**

**Those Who Won Points:**

**Eruanna Undomiel- 47 points **

**Bostonian Writer- 20 points**

**Mayarin- 17 points **

**Flying Boppers- 22 points**

**Christina Conlon- 22 points **

**Killer Bananas- 44 points**

**LucyOfNarnia- 122 points**

**Sunshine Conlon: 10 points **

**Flyspecks- 20 points**

**Okay... you guys totally knocked my socks and shoes off! Let's see how well you do on this one... :)**

* * *

"Oh. My. Goodness!" Torch gasped. "You know what we did? We left the Other Reviewers behind!"

Everyone gave her blank look.

"Other Reviewers!" She tried again. "Other... Review...? Um, okay." She shrugged. "Um, okay, whatever. I'll just use my awesome-ninja-super-powers to- oh wait. I can't do that. I'm not a 'Sue."

"It's okay, she does this sometimes. It can be weird, but I usually just sit tight for a second and then she does something really awesome." David turned and explained to the others, who looked immensely relieved at this explanation.

"I've GOT IT!" Shrieked Torch suddenly, just as he finished, and, seizing him, gave him an extraordinarily loud smack on the lips.

Giggles wrinkled her nose, and Lark was heard to protest, but Acorn grinned and asked, "Like that kind of awesome, you mean?"

David, ceasing to look stunned, straightened his cap and almost regained a casual expression whilst replying, "Yeah. That kind of awesome."

"Excuse me," interrupted Fly, "but I think that Torch has something-"

"Yeah." Everyone turned to look at Torch, who promptly assumed a wise and speechy expression and, raising one very thin finger high, declared, "We shall recruit them!"

*Sigh*. Those blank looks again. Will we ever be rid of them?

"You see," Torch explained excitedly, "there are plenty of other authors and even characters in the actual movie who would _love_ to help us out here. And so..." dramatically drawn-out... "for every review this story receives from now on, it will be counted as a new recruit for our side of GCs against the MSs!"

"MSs?" Dreamer whispered to Cheese.

"MarySues," she responded quietly, and Dreamer muttered, "Oh, yeah, I knew that."

"Excuse me, miss!" A hand waved in the air. It was Snoddy, who was being lovingly gripped by Fly. "What's that machine for?"

"This?" Torch assumed a most evil grin. "Ah-ha-ha-ha!" Evil laughter filled the room, and then all of New York! "MWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!"

The laughter seemed that it would never end, but David, shaking his head sadly, grabbed her and kissed her, and she was forced to discontinue her conduct.

"That, my dear friends..." she paused dramatically- "is-"

**Dun-dun-dun! Read on (after I post the next chapter) to find out what happens to our most mighty and courageous GCs! :D **

**And remember! If you want the MarySues to be conquered- REVIEW!**


	15. The War Part 3

**_IMPORTANT_ AUTHOR'S NOTE, PLEASE READ**

Even if you don't read the rest of the author's note (interesting and lovely as it is), please read this.

I would appreciate it if you would please do two things:

1. Check out the awesome new website that Shot Rock has been working so hard on! Yes, the NYNA is BACK! And you should nominate and vote... because she worked so stinkin' hard on this.

2. Please, if you love me or my stories at all, PLEASE, vote for in Pegasus M's contest: http :/pegm .webs .com/vote .html. (Delete spaces). Thanks a ton to those of you who nominated me, or already have voted for me!

Okay... that's the end of the author's note. Have fun reading this chapter!

* * *

"...And you really think this'll work?" Giggles asked worriedly.

"Positive, dearie," Torch said, stopping her whistling for a moment to reply.

Much to the amazement of all present, Torch was somehow able to smoke a cigar and whistle at the same time. She ignored the pleas and protests of both those complaining of the whistling (this would be pretty much all of the newsboys and Fly) and those complaining of the smoking (which would be David, Giggles and Lark).

She was engaged in making as much noise as possible as she wheeled the Machine to the 'Sues' headquarters: Brooklyn.

At this point, the 'Sues had taken over nearly all of New York (save the necessary and convenient villains, which they were periodically rescued from by their various loves) and took turns having Spot as their own.

But Torch smirked evilly. She knew that their end was soon to come.

Once they had reached the borders of Brooklyn, she noticed that nearly all of the newsboys were having trouble breathing and would involuntarily get a "glazed doughnut" look on their faces; the latter of which was easily resolved by their fellows slapping them hard across their visages.

However, there was nothing they could do about the shortness of breath... it was the penalty you paid for fighting for your rights, and Torch told them as much.

She received ungrateful and rather baleful looks from all quarters; at which point she flung up her hands and told them they didn't appreciate her, and would understand how much she'd done for them once she was gone.

At which point David told her to shut up, which resulted in a scuffle which lasted for about fifteen minutes. Somehow everyone except for Giggles and Crutchy got involved; and even though they protested at the fight (when they remember to), you could tell they were trying to hide smiles; especially when Cheese "lost her leg" and then found it again, only to discover that the leg was not actually hers but belonged, instead, to Snoddy.

Fly, at this point, became extremely indignant and tried to slap Cheese; but instead hit Dreamer, who was trying to punch Snitch, who had insulted her, but Acorn was valiantly defending him, and tried to kick Dreamer, but ended up on her backside, stupefied, at which point Snitch flung into action and began lashing out at whoever was nearest-

I think you get the picture. It was a mess.

Eventually, it was resolved, not by Torch's authoritativeness (although she'd like to claim to such) but by the arrival of the 'Sues.

It was, naturally, Giggles and Crutchy who noticed first, because they weren't fighting. They sounded the alarm by screaming, and everyone was instantly in line, ready to fight to the death.

"MARYSUES!" Torch bellowed. "RELEASE SPOT FROM YOUR POWER, OR I WILL TURN YOU TO DUST!"

"nvr11" they screeched back. "we wll alwys luv spt hes teh hottst evr111"

Jack, who was under their spell, objected at this, saying that he was "teh hottst", but they told him to shut up and that Spot would always come first.

Jack joined Torch's ranks at this point.

"THY END IS NIGH!" Torch warned them.

"idk wut tht meens but we ll alwys win11" they shrieked with one voice.

"Try to stand against THIS!" and she brought forth the Machine...


End file.
